Week #16: Latin Lover

Like the old saying goes, "First is the worst, second is the best..." So let's hope that the second drink of the year is a bit better than its predecessor. All you tequila fans out there should take note: this drink needs a doctor because you will have to NURSE it!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

Averrrrrage score: 3.5 skull and crossbones!

Picture this: you come home from work on a cold winter's night and need a little pick-me-up in the form of liquid intake. So you go through your cabinets and find some tequila left over from your margarita party and some amaretto left over from who knows when. No worries wenchies, we have the perfect solution - Latin Lover! As Nina put it, "this lover is strong and sweet, with a bite." And let's be honest, any lover with those qualities is sure to help you relax *wink wink nudge nudge* . Drink with caution....and with some food in your stomach. But enjoy the red it puts in your cheeks! And the drink as well!

It's as caliente as Ricky Martin's leather pants in the late 90s.

It's double classy...because we are drinking it out of scottish crystal scotch glasses. Out of a paper cup? Single classy. :)

Week #15: Coral Reef

Happy New Year, wenchies! We apologize for our holiday hiatus. We drank other drinks and were busy with holiday cheer. However, we are back and ready to continue your drinking education (and ours). Clamoring fans want to know... what is the first drink of the new year?

If you're looking for an awesome new drink, this one isn't it. It sucks. It looks pretty and has potential, but it sucks.

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 1.0 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 2.0 skull and crossbone.

Averrrrrage score: 1.5 skull and crossbones!

This drink looked pretty, had good ingredients, but deceived us. As Mary put it..."I don't want to drink chunks." This is what happened when crushing the strawberries into the drink. After our initial sip, we decided the strawberries and the alcohol didn't mix flavors, which made the drink taste like a big glass of alcohol with chunks of strawberry floating in it. Therefore, we added strawberry preserves (as recommended by the card) and blended the entire thing in a blender. This helped, but the drink still tasted like ass. A splash of sour mix couldn't even pull this drink out of the dumps. So under no circumstances should you drink this. It really sucks.

PS the color wasn't even coral, so not only did the taste deceive us, the card LIED to us.

It's as shitty as a port-a-potty.

This wasn't even close to being single classy, let alone double classy. Please.

The Captain's Wheel

Dear Wenchies,

For your convenience, to help you navigate the sea of cocktails, we have provided a captain's wheel to steer your understanding of our rating/opinions of the weekly contributions to your alcohol consumption education.

May this help put some wind in your sails when deciding which "poisons" to consume and which to hide in your buried treasure.

1 skull and crossbones: A drink with this rating must walk the plank.

2 skulls and crossbones: A drink with this rating gets thrown in the scorpion box (boo box).

3 skulls and crossbones: A drink with this rating is threatened with a musket.

4 skulls and crossbones: A drink with this rating means "LAND, HO!"

5 skulls and crossbones: A drink with this rating means the captain has promoted it to first mate.

Drink irresponsibly and often! And allow this to guide your poor decisions.

Week#14: Toxic Waste

Dear Wenchies,

In honor of the burgeoning Christmas season, we decided to pick a drink that was positive and inviting to all. Therefore, Toxic Waste seemed like the best choice! Don't be fooled by its disgusting color or its name. This drink deserves the same attention as its colorful and fruity forefathers. And the result was surprising.....

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 4.25 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 4.75 skull and crossbone.

Averrrrrage score: 4.5 skull and crossbones!

They say what smells good and looks good should always taste good. We found a drink that looked nasty and had little odor, but was a delight in our mouths (hehe). Who doesn't want something awesome in their mouth? When we first drank this brown oozing cocktail, we were very surprised to find that it was delicious and it could not easily be improved upon. It was perfect just as it was. Being the persnickety drinkers that we are, this is a rare occurrence. It was sweet (but not too sweet) and strong (but not fire-breathing), and we enjoyed every drop! Upon tasting the drink, one blogger exclaimed" This is definitely in my top 3" while the other blogger said "ooh!" with wide eyes. A great holiday choice for tree decorating, present wrapping, movie watching, family gatherings, and general fun times on the couch. Don't discriminate against the brown!

It's as toxic as Britney.

It's double classy.....except for the color.

Week #13: Tie Me to the Bed Post

Happy Thanksgiving to all you followers out there. As faithful followers to this blog, we would like to bestow upon you the nickname of "Whistlers Wenches." The Whistlers wish all you Wenches a week of pure joy, warm hugs, tasty food, and of course, great drinks!!! Speaking of great drinks, here's one for the books - may you all get tied to the bed post this Thanksgiving. Gobble, gobble!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 4.0 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 4.75 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 4.375 skull and crossbones!

Here's the deal you Wenches, this drink was much tastier than expected. Looking at the ingredients the expectation was that this drink would be too strong (like Nina's B.O.) Upon the first pour it looked beautiful in the glass and we got excited, so we took a swig and to our surprise, it made our tongues dance with delight! It's strong and sweet with out making some weaklings cough and gag. It went down smooth (that's what she said) and had a nice aftertaste. One of the bloggers exclaimed, "It's one of my favorites so far!" --Fistler, while the spouse crankily said, "I think it sucks." --Man Fistler.

It's as tasty as your Mom (who's tied to the bed post.)

It's double classy, if and when served in a martini glass.

Week #12: Pirates Bloody Revenge

Before beginning our commentary, we would like to thank all of our loyal followers. If you read the blog, but aren't a follower, you suck. So sign up and we will love you again (Fistler).

Second thought, this drinking experience is greatly enhanced by the wearing of a pirate eye-patch. I would know. (Fistler) The other one (Wankster) denied the eye patch and therefore, did not enjoy the experience to full extent possible. Wankster denies this claim and states she said she would wear it next time we had a pirate drink (there are no more in the deck. Convenient.)

Enjoy!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 3.25 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 3.375 skull and crossbones!

The first sip of this drink indicated to us bloggers that it needed more. It was not as sweet as our taste buds were searching for, so we added more Cranberry Juice in order to appease the sense of taste. Fistler thinks adding sweetened lime juice to the mix would have helped, Wankster thinks just downing the drink would have done the trick. It's not the most creative drink, but it does make a girl feel like she's on the set of SATC, plus it's quick and easy to concoct - only having two ingredients.

It's as biting as Edward Cullen (blame Fistler for that one.)

It's classy and a half. The other half classy was changed into a vampire.

Week #11: Caribbean Berry

Dear followers: It is imperative that you read ALL of the directions prior to making this drink. It is a SHOT, not a cocktail. A small detail that was noticed after we made large quantities of this drink. We drank it anyways....hehehehe. Enjoy!

RATING BASED ON DRINK BEING A SHOT

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 4.5 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 4.5 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 4.5 skull and crossbones!

RATING BASED ON DRINK BEING A COCKTAIL

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 3.5 skull and crossbones!

The key to changing this drink from a shot to a cocktail is to obviously add more cranberry juice. With the cranberry juice, this drink is "drinkable" (according to Mary). Nina felt it was pretty tasty, but extremely potent. The taste of the cocktail does not override the potency, which makes it not super easy to drink. It needs to be sipped slowly, or diluted with something else (if you are drinking it as a cocktail). If you are shooting it, bombs away! Nina would compare the taste of this shot to a red-headed slut...even though the ingredients are pretty different. Mary would compare this drink to licking the bottom of her sneaker after a long walk in Central Park-not as bad as you would think (funny, given she rated this drink a 3.5).

This drink is as blunt as Emily.

This drink wants to be double classy, but got stuck in college.

BY THE WAY, ALL YOU FOLLOWERS, THOUGHTS??????