Week #19: Curacao Cooler

This blog has had some great experiences with green drinks in the past, so we decided to go back in hopes of finding another hit. And although the color of this drink looks like paint, we forged ahead in the spirit of exploration. Swing...and a miss.

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 2.0 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 3.0 skull and crossbone.

Averrrrrage score: 2.5 skull and crossbones!

Sooooo....it's orange juice. Thats what it tastes like. Aside from the color, we would have no idea it was anything but orange juice. It is unimaginative and has a lot of ingredients for very little benefit. It's not bad, it just isn't anything to write home about. Maybe if there was much less OJ and not so much lemon, but even then...BORING. In addition, this card had an error (or maybe we just don't understand the difference). It called for both a "twist lemon" and a "lemon twist". OK Wenchies....anyone know the difference? Or is it a typo? Either way, excessive lemon is no one's friend. Hello heartburn. So, drink of it what you will, not worth the effort in our opinion. Save the OJ for breakfast.

It's as boring as being a landlubber (by pirate standards of course)

It has no class because it does nothing to excite the taste buds.

Week #18: Piece of Ass

This drink, in some circles known as "the Mary", was quite the experience (as is Mary). We were certainly intrigued by this week's drink title, and just like our friend, it lived up to the name. We hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 4.0 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 4.5 skull and crossbone.

Averrrrrage score: 4.25 skull and crossbones!

Is there anything better than a Piece of Ass on a long weekend? Although the drink is served in a cordial glass, it's just enough to satiate our appetites for something sweet and strong (the way any piece of ass should be served). Nina reminisced how this 'piece of ass' reminded her of college days when Armaretto Stone Sours were the drink of choice, however this week's drink is much more fit for "young adults" who are a lot more mature than those college kids. Mary commented on how its sweetness reminded her of the lollipops you get when you go to the bank. You know the ones, there isn't much to them aside from sugar and coloring, oh, and their cheap, clear, cellophane wrapping. Alright! So, all you young adults, drink up and enjoy this mature Piece of Ass!

It's as sweet, quick, and surprising as Hugh Hefner in bed.

It's double classy, thanks to the cordial glass.

Week#17: Havana Cocktail

As the saying continues on, "First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the treasure chest." This was clearly the case in this week's drink. The Captain is definitely here and ready to rock with his wenchies! So be aware, the Captain is comin' for YOU!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 4.5 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 4.25 skull and crossbone.

Averrrrrage score: 4.375 skull and crossbones!

Dee. Lish. Us. This drink is extremely easy to drink and as our motto goes, "What isn't good with pineapple juice in it?" We recommend trying this drink with out the lemon juice in it, it's really not needed. This drink seems appropriate to make in large quantities to have out during your next pirate party (as we know you throw them frequently because of these incredible drinks you read about on this incredible blog). We deem this drink drinkable for the following situations: after work, on the weekend, when it's hot, when it's cold (we mean the weather of course), during your lunch break, in a blizzard, actually...let's be honest, drink this when you can because it's yummy and helps you feel like you're in the Havana heat.

It's as Cuban as Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights.

This drink is classy. Doubly so if you're at a pool party.

Week #16: Latin Lover

Like the old saying goes, "First is the worst, second is the best..." So let's hope that the second drink of the year is a bit better than its predecessor. All you tequila fans out there should take note: this drink needs a doctor because you will have to NURSE it!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

Averrrrrage score: 3.5 skull and crossbones!

Picture this: you come home from work on a cold winter's night and need a little pick-me-up in the form of liquid intake. So you go through your cabinets and find some tequila left over from your margarita party and some amaretto left over from who knows when. No worries wenchies, we have the perfect solution - Latin Lover! As Nina put it, "this lover is strong and sweet, with a bite." And let's be honest, any lover with those qualities is sure to help you relax *wink wink nudge nudge* . Drink with caution....and with some food in your stomach. But enjoy the red it puts in your cheeks! And the drink as well!

It's as caliente as Ricky Martin's leather pants in the late 90s.

It's double classy...because we are drinking it out of scottish crystal scotch glasses. Out of a paper cup? Single classy. :)

Week #15: Coral Reef

Happy New Year, wenchies! We apologize for our holiday hiatus. We drank other drinks and were busy with holiday cheer. However, we are back and ready to continue your drinking education (and ours). Clamoring fans want to know... what is the first drink of the new year?

If you're looking for an awesome new drink, this one isn't it. It sucks. It looks pretty and has potential, but it sucks.

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 1.0 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 2.0 skull and crossbone.

Averrrrrage score: 1.5 skull and crossbones!

This drink looked pretty, had good ingredients, but deceived us. As Mary put it..."I don't want to drink chunks." This is what happened when crushing the strawberries into the drink. After our initial sip, we decided the strawberries and the alcohol didn't mix flavors, which made the drink taste like a big glass of alcohol with chunks of strawberry floating in it. Therefore, we added strawberry preserves (as recommended by the card) and blended the entire thing in a blender. This helped, but the drink still tasted like ass. A splash of sour mix couldn't even pull this drink out of the dumps. So under no circumstances should you drink this. It really sucks.

PS the color wasn't even coral, so not only did the taste deceive us, the card LIED to us.

It's as shitty as a port-a-potty.

This wasn't even close to being single classy, let alone double classy. Please.