The Captain's Wheel

Dear Wenchies,

For your convenience, to help you navigate the sea of cocktails, we have provided a captain's wheel to steer your understanding of our rating/opinions of the weekly contributions to your alcohol consumption education.

May this help put some wind in your sails when deciding which "poisons" to consume and which to hide in your buried treasure.

1 skull and crossbones: A drink with this rating must walk the plank.

2 skulls and crossbones: A drink with this rating gets thrown in the scorpion box (boo box).

3 skulls and crossbones: A drink with this rating is threatened with a musket.

4 skulls and crossbones: A drink with this rating means "LAND, HO!"

5 skulls and crossbones: A drink with this rating means the captain has promoted it to first mate.

Drink irresponsibly and often! And allow this to guide your poor decisions.

Week#14: Toxic Waste

Dear Wenchies,

In honor of the burgeoning Christmas season, we decided to pick a drink that was positive and inviting to all. Therefore, Toxic Waste seemed like the best choice! Don't be fooled by its disgusting color or its name. This drink deserves the same attention as its colorful and fruity forefathers. And the result was surprising.....

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 4.25 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 4.75 skull and crossbone.

Averrrrrage score: 4.5 skull and crossbones!

They say what smells good and looks good should always taste good. We found a drink that looked nasty and had little odor, but was a delight in our mouths (hehe). Who doesn't want something awesome in their mouth? When we first drank this brown oozing cocktail, we were very surprised to find that it was delicious and it could not easily be improved upon. It was perfect just as it was. Being the persnickety drinkers that we are, this is a rare occurrence. It was sweet (but not too sweet) and strong (but not fire-breathing), and we enjoyed every drop! Upon tasting the drink, one blogger exclaimed" This is definitely in my top 3" while the other blogger said "ooh!" with wide eyes. A great holiday choice for tree decorating, present wrapping, movie watching, family gatherings, and general fun times on the couch. Don't discriminate against the brown!

It's as toxic as Britney.

It's double classy.....except for the color.

Week #13: Tie Me to the Bed Post

Happy Thanksgiving to all you followers out there. As faithful followers to this blog, we would like to bestow upon you the nickname of "Whistlers Wenches." The Whistlers wish all you Wenches a week of pure joy, warm hugs, tasty food, and of course, great drinks!!! Speaking of great drinks, here's one for the books - may you all get tied to the bed post this Thanksgiving. Gobble, gobble!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 4.0 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 4.75 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 4.375 skull and crossbones!

Here's the deal you Wenches, this drink was much tastier than expected. Looking at the ingredients the expectation was that this drink would be too strong (like Nina's B.O.) Upon the first pour it looked beautiful in the glass and we got excited, so we took a swig and to our surprise, it made our tongues dance with delight! It's strong and sweet with out making some weaklings cough and gag. It went down smooth (that's what she said) and had a nice aftertaste. One of the bloggers exclaimed, "It's one of my favorites so far!" --Fistler, while the spouse crankily said, "I think it sucks." --Man Fistler.

It's as tasty as your Mom (who's tied to the bed post.)

It's double classy, if and when served in a martini glass.

Week #12: Pirates Bloody Revenge

Before beginning our commentary, we would like to thank all of our loyal followers. If you read the blog, but aren't a follower, you suck. So sign up and we will love you again (Fistler).

Second thought, this drinking experience is greatly enhanced by the wearing of a pirate eye-patch. I would know. (Fistler) The other one (Wankster) denied the eye patch and therefore, did not enjoy the experience to full extent possible. Wankster denies this claim and states she said she would wear it next time we had a pirate drink (there are no more in the deck. Convenient.)

Enjoy!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 3.25 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 3.375 skull and crossbones!

The first sip of this drink indicated to us bloggers that it needed more. It was not as sweet as our taste buds were searching for, so we added more Cranberry Juice in order to appease the sense of taste. Fistler thinks adding sweetened lime juice to the mix would have helped, Wankster thinks just downing the drink would have done the trick. It's not the most creative drink, but it does make a girl feel like she's on the set of SATC, plus it's quick and easy to concoct - only having two ingredients.

It's as biting as Edward Cullen (blame Fistler for that one.)

It's classy and a half. The other half classy was changed into a vampire.

Week #11: Caribbean Berry

Dear followers: It is imperative that you read ALL of the directions prior to making this drink. It is a SHOT, not a cocktail. A small detail that was noticed after we made large quantities of this drink. We drank it anyways....hehehehe. Enjoy!

RATING BASED ON DRINK BEING A SHOT

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 4.5 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 4.5 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 4.5 skull and crossbones!

RATING BASED ON DRINK BEING A COCKTAIL

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 3.5 skull and crossbones!

The key to changing this drink from a shot to a cocktail is to obviously add more cranberry juice. With the cranberry juice, this drink is "drinkable" (according to Mary). Nina felt it was pretty tasty, but extremely potent. The taste of the cocktail does not override the potency, which makes it not super easy to drink. It needs to be sipped slowly, or diluted with something else (if you are drinking it as a cocktail). If you are shooting it, bombs away! Nina would compare the taste of this shot to a red-headed slut...even though the ingredients are pretty different. Mary would compare this drink to licking the bottom of her sneaker after a long walk in Central Park-not as bad as you would think (funny, given she rated this drink a 3.5).

This drink is as blunt as Emily.

This drink wants to be double classy, but got stuck in college.

BY THE WAY, ALL YOU FOLLOWERS, THOUGHTS??????

Week #10: Pina Colada

After surviving 7 days without power (and it still isn't on) we required a beverage that ensued calm, tranquility, and warmth. For those followers who are going a little stir crazy (like one of our bloggers, whose name rhymes with Tina), drink this in good company, and all will be well!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 2.75 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 3.25 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 3.0 skull and crossbones!

The original recipe was not as tasty as we thought it would be, given our past experiences with Pina Coladas. *only 50% of the bloggers have actually experienced pina coladas. However, with some modifications, the score improves up to a 3.5. In order to achieve a 3.5 level drink, one must use coconut rum instead of regular rum (we assume this improves the taste), and increase the amount of pineapple juice. Upon first sip, Mary said "It makes me feel warm" and "ooh!". Another participant (Wankster) enjoyed the frothiness....I'll bet she did. In short, Nina would rather concoct her own recipe using some of the same ingredients.

It falls as short as not getting power when you are promised. Nina is a little bitter.

This drink is single classy, it just needed power to make it double classy.

Week #9: Green Iguana

To keep with the Halloween theme, we chose another green beverage. We stuck with the ecto-cooler theme and (some of us) are very happy with our choice! Happy Halloween to all!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 3.5 skull and crossbones!

Upon first sip, it was obvious that the ratio of ingredients was not quite right. We felt that it was way too heavy on the sour mix. We subsequently added more tequila and more midori, and the drink was immediately better. In the future, we suggest equal parts of all 3 ingredients. Once altered, the drink was easily consumed. Nina felt the drink was tasty....not as good as the previous green drink, but still worthy of mentioning. Mary felt like the drink should just be straight tequila...body shots :).

It's as ghoulish as a Club 10Glen HOLLAween Party.

It's single classy, with its other classy doing the Monster Mash.

Week #8: By the Pool

We apologize to all of our followers for last week's absence. Mary was suffering from the plague, and could not leave her home due to quarantine. However, she has recovered and is ready to rock and roll...pirate style. Due to the timing of our current blogging episode, we thought it was only fitting that we select drinks that evoked the Halloween spirit. Therefore, this week's green beverage has the appearance of Ecto-Cooler....which was completely intentional. Enjoy!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 4.25 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 4.5 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 4.375 skull and crossbones!

This drink was not only eerie, and halloweenie, but delicious as well! One participant (Lindsay) commented that she enjoyed the melon flavor of the drink as well as the color. It made her want to lay "by the pool". It was quite sweet, but not overly so that it was difficult to drink. In an effort to make the color even more ghoulish, a splash of Blue Curacao was added and the effect was spooktacular! It made the color cool AND it took a little bit of the "sweetness" away. So far, one of the big hits of this blog. Very appropriate for Halloween festivities.......hint hint....wink wink....

It's as green and spooky as Slimer.

This drink also takes away the double classy prize.

Week #7: Free Breeze

We totally rocked out a mid-week drinking session with this lovely drink. It's name suggested a good change of pace from the busy week. The recipe called for Absolut, but we used Gordon's instead (bad choice). We also quadrupled the recipe which is enough for 2 willing adults.

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 3.0 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbone.

Average score::3.25 skull and crossbones!

This drink is definitely a sipping drink and should not be drunk quickly (or in large quantities). This drink is very pretty but has a slight tart acidity, most likely due to the sweet and sour mix. If we could have a do-over, we would probably do equal parts vodka and triple sec, as well as equal parts sour mix and cranberry. Upon taking the first sip, we thought it was surprisingly tasty, but was easier to drink without the smell of the lemon slice. The smell of the lemon, while drinking, altered the taste in a negative way. So throw out the lemon, and bottoms up!

It's as pretty in pink as Molly Ringwald.

It's classy with a "k". (Eric)

Week #6 Blue Shark

We decided to choose a drink that would prepare us for the amazing concert that is "Hanson". In honor of how biting their music is, we chose a cocktail that is both powerful and colorful. Pretty much, Hanson Rules.

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 3.0 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink a 3.0 skull and crossbone.

Average score::3.0 skull and crossbones!

Upon first sip, this drink was very strong and made Mary's stomach turn. However, it is aesthetically pleasing to the eye. It was also pretty sweet as we used a flavored vodka (melon). Due to our evening plans, we could not succumb to this drink fully. Therefore, we added lemonade to the mixture, and it made the drink easier to tolerate...while drinking it in front of 4 small children and 2 adults....with savvy. There isn't anything we can't do in front of children.

It's as blue as Mary's new blue jeans.

This drink wants to be double classy, but doesn't quite hit the mark

Week #5: Captain Morgan Cooler

Nina & Mary are the best! They are so hot, and so awesome, and so great at describing Pirate drinks.

You! you should drink more because Nina & Mary are great.

With love

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 4.0 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink 4.5 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 4.25 skull and crossbones!

This drink is amazing, outstanding, and VERY easy to drink. In a participant's words, "It tastes like a lollipop." This drink makes us feel like kids again. Our highest scoring drink to date. You should drink this. Frequently.

It's as glorious as a fire pit on a fall evening.

Easily double classy.

Week #4: Beachcomber

We are sorry for the brief hiatus, someone was inconsiderate enough to die. However, we're back now. As for this week's cocktail, we were pleasantly surprised based on last week's disaster. This cocktail's ingredients were startlingly similar, so we took some precautions: We used sweetened lime juice instead of regular lime juice, and upgraded the "rum" to coconut rum. We feel this was a smart move, as you will soon taste for yourself.

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 3.75 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink 4.0 skull and crossbone.

Average score: 3.875 skull and crossbones!

This drink hits you quickly and quietly. It's good on a Friday in the Fall when you reminisce about the warm summer evenings surrounded by lightning bugs. And by that, we mean it is potent, and sweet, and gets you drunk fast! The three most important factors when judging a drink! Popular vote agrees that this drink would be made again in non blogging circumstances.

This drink is purely double classy. Drink up!

It makes you feel as fun as Lady Gaga.

Week #3 - Carib Cocktail

This week's tail was quite surprising. As we concocted the "supposedly" splendid cocktail we were excited about the possibility of getting driz-unk! Unfortunately this drink was a bit too sour for our tastebuds and not conducive to drunkery. Nina & Mary took it upon themselves to alter the recipe after the first sip. The first sip went as such: ::sip:: ::pause:: ::gasp!!!!!!!!::

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 1.0 skull and crossbone.

* Nina gives this drink 1.0 skull and crossbone.

Average score::1.0 skull and crossbones!

(we'd give it a 0 if we could)

Recommendation: Only drink if you want to torture someone or if you'd like to give someone acid reflux due to excess limeage. The incredible bloggers altered this drink by adding extra pineapple juice and rum; this made it drinkable. In the future 60% pineapple juice + 40% rum with a *splash* of lime = a tasty drink.

It was as limey as a dirty Englishman.

Nowhere near double classy.

Week 2: Old Lay

In response to the throngs of comments from our eager fans, we are posting the second installment of this amazingly informative blog.

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 2.5 skull and crossbones.

* Nina gives this drink 3 skull and crossbones.

Average score:: 2.75 skull and crossbones!

Whoa. The first sip is warmingly brutal. But it becomes easier to drink with every sip! Mary feels it is a little biting and could use a splash of another mixer besides the grenadine. Nina giggled a lot afterwards with a glazed-over look in her eye. Recommended to be drunk prior to having relations with an old lay. It will help for sure.

Mary would drink this again if she had in laws coming to visit. Nina would drink it again if it was in front of her.

It is tentatively double classy.

It is as potent as an old lay's ______.

Week 1: Calypso Cooler

Welcome to the first blog of a series of 52 fantastic, swashbuckling, alcoholic concoctions! We are devoted to exploring the intricacy and splendor that is colorful cocktails and thought we'd share our thoughts and opinions! Enjoy!

Skull and crossbones rating scale from 1-5 (5 is the best)

* Mary gives this drink a 3.5 skull and crossbones.

* Nina gives this drink 4 skull and crossbones.

Average score:: 3.75 skull and crossbones!

This drink is pretty sweet without being too sweet. It goes down very smoothly and has no after kick. It does tingle a little on the way down...in a warm good way. Needs to be chilled. We quadrupled the recipe and it was enough for 2 decent sized glasses. We would definitely drink this again! It is as delicious as the last day of school.

It's double classy.